Have you ever gone out to eat with people who have terrible table manners? They leave food on their faces, reach across people, and take huge bites. On top of that, they’re rude to the waitress.
How can we keep our kids from turning into those people?
We have two options:
- Snap at them to chew with their mouths closed and to wipe their faces. Correct every manner faux pas. Create a tense environment at the dinner table where the kids are too anxious to take a bite.
- Explain to our kids why it’s so important to have good manners and respect their ability to understand big concepts like unselfishness and respect.
Obviously, we’ve chosen option two. And now that we’ve guilted you into it, we hope you will too.
But what do we tell our kids when it’s time to explain why they should have good table manners?
We tell them about respect.
When kids wipe their faces on their sleeves, make a mess with their food, or use their fork and knife rudely, they’re showing that they don’t respect others at the table. They’re not considering that their messy faces might make others lose their appetites. They don’t realize that it’s difficult to have a conversation with someone who’s just shoved way too much spaghetti in his mouth.
And that’s just it. They don’t realize. They’re kids, and they’re not going to understand the concept of respect if we don’t tell them about it.
But respect at the table isn’t merely nonverbal. It has a lot to do with how we speak.
When kids order food at a restaurant and don’t say “please” or “thank you,” they’re showing that they don’t respect the hard work of the waiter or waitress. And when they’re at home and they don’t thank Mom or Dad for cooking, they’re showing that they don’t respect the time their parents took to feed them.
Again, they don’t mean to be disrespectful. Kids won’t understand how their actions do or don’t reflect respect if we don’t show them.
We’re setting our kids up for social success when we teach them good manners. No boss is going to care how qualified they are for a job if they fail at the interview lunch. No girl is going to care how great a boyfriend your son would be if he can’t keep his face clean on the first date. No colleagues are going to care about your daughter’s insight and intellect if she’s rude to the waitstaff at a meal out.
But if our kids learn now to take small bites, pass food politely, and treat servers well, they’ll get the job. They’ll go on the second date. They’ll get into meaningful conversations.
Next time your family gathers for a meal, talk to your kids about their manners. Explain to them that eating nicely and saying “thank you” shows others how much they care.
We’ve linked some of our videos below that reinforce this concept. Check ‘em out with your kids!
Being grateful & respectful:
Good table manners: